The Truth is…

I’ve always been a scaredy little sheltered cat..

I have big dreams but have no idea how to achieve them..

I can be very lazy..

I’m pretty sure who I am but I doubt myself a whole lot..

I am a fragile creative. Criticism kills my confidence.. so I don’t share a lot.

I’ve never won a prize for anything. Ok I have but not for the ones I would really like. I’m sure I don’t care but I still think it’ll be nice..

I like to think I’m an angel in disguise..so you see, a prize will defeat that purpose.

I like keeping secrets..not necessarily dark ones. Secrets make me feel powerful and in control. I’ve always kept one about friends, siblings, parents but mostly myself. Especially the ones I know that would raise hell on earth if they were as much as whispered to the right/wrong person.

I’d like my work to be recognised but not myself.

I enjoy being in the shadows doing good and bad..mostly good..

I enjoy the sneaky side eye.. the twinkle in the eye a person gets when they want to know who just saved their life. The urge to say “It was me!” but never actually giving myself up.

I like to have special names for people and code words only me and the other person know about.

I fell in love twice in my life and no one will ever know who they were..

I have many skills. I am very good at a lot of things but I am yet to find out what I am genius at..

I was very average at school..sometimes below average.

I’m 28 yrs old and married.

I refuse to admit that I’m a smoker and I probably never will because I don’t smoke as often as smokers do but when I make up my mind to quit, I never have..

I like complements but I pretend they’re not a big deal..

I only do great work when I’m accountable to someone other than myself..

Sometimes, I think I’m a really bad person so I do a lot of good things to mask it..

It’s very hard for me to do the right thing..but I succeed most times.

I’m not proud of myself when I do a good thing because I know deep down what I really want to do and its usually terrible.

I’m someone else on the inside but I express who I think I should be or at least who I want to be on the outside.

I am afraid if I let myself go, I don’t know who I’d be. All I know is.. they’re not a good person. They’re not kind, patient, loving, responsible, humble or empathetic. They’re mostly cruel and care-free.

I forget my words and actions most of the time especially good ones but I almost always remember my thoughts.

I am afraid I’m not me and I’ll probably die not truly being myself.

*scratch that*

I’m not afraid, I’m curious. I’d like to watch a movie of how my life would turn out if I acted out every thought, every urge, every desire..to see if I ended up in jail, a crack-house or won many awards and became famous for being the genius who didn’t give a fuck about people…then take notes and come back to my reality.

I kinda like this person I pretend to be..most times.

I’m never truly happy when I choose to do the right thing until the other person reacts positively to it. That makes it easier to reconcile the transition from thought to action.

I dream A LOT

I think A LOT

I imagine A LOT

Peace ✌